Episode Two
What if we forgive, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve it?
This may sound selfish, but how much does the hurt, the pain, the anguish eat away at us. How quick are we to anger regarding that other person because there is something left unresolved? How fast do we spiral down a hole of negativity and resentment and lash out at those around us?
How many here are Hamilton fans? There is a song that talks about some great hardships for the Hamilton’s and one of my favorite parts is where the ensemble sings one word.
Forgiveness.
Can you hear it?
There are so many that have wronged me in my life. The trauma that I have endured has played a part in why I struggle with depression and anxiety. But when I forgive, it becomes a component of healing. It is not the forgetting because some things one can never forget. It is the letting go. Forgiving is freedom of those dark hurtful thoughts having control of my heart, mind, and soul.
Even now, when people, family, or friends hurt me, I struggle with the anger and hurt. It is okay for me to have those feelings, but I cannot stay there. I do not like who I become when I allow those feelings to take control and they slowly eat away at me. The worst part when I am like this I tend to take it out on those around me, my children, and my husband. I would imagine most of us do.
I do not want to be that person.
Others may never apologize for the wrong they did. They may never see the hurt that I carry. They may never care that they in fact hurt me. But that is about them, and their journey and I cannot control them or force them to see things as I see it. I cannot make them see my pain.
So instead of waiting for them to apologize or show remorse, I will do what is best for me and my journey and forgive them. This will ease the ache. This will ease the pain and it will allow me to continue forward.
Forgiveness will pave the way so that if they do ever apologize, see the hurt they caused or show remorse, my heart will be ready and accepting of their apology. My heart will have already forgiven them, and we can move forward.
But let’s not stop there. What if you forgave yourself because you deserve it?
How many things have we done in life that we wish we could change? Words that we have said that we wish we could take back. Some may say I don’t live a life with regrets, but I wonder if that is just a cover for hidden secrets or is it perhaps, they have forgiven themselves and have moved past it?
There may even be times that others do not forgive you. But we should not be held in bondage by where they are at on their journey. It is okay for you to seek their forgiveness and forgive yourself. We are human. We make mistakes. But you are still a beautiful soul worthy of forgiveness.
Every time I struggle with putting myself down or allow the negative thoughts to remind me of all the wrong things I have done in my life. Or every time I question myself and I feel the spiral of my anxiety and depression creep in with a tidal wave of all the guilt and lies that can encompass me I hear the ensemble from Hamilton sing.
Forgiveness.
When we forgive, we free our hearts, souls and minds of negativity and despair.
So, what if we forgive because we deserve it? What if we forgive because we are worthy of living a life of joy and peace?
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